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Editor’s Note: The following was published by La Cuenta earlier today. The full post is here.

By Christián

In our house, seashells can be found on almost every windowsill. My daughters will gather them and place them at every window. They began this natural altar-building practice when we first moved in.

In many cultures, shells on windowsills or doorways are used to ward off evil spirits, bad dreams, or emotional heaviness. I do not think they do this consciously, but because this is how they claim their sacred space. And this small act, this unconscious practice of their seashell altars, brings me peace, makes me believe that they keep the monsters away, keep us safe.

“Are we bad? Is that why they want to arrest you?” 

“I don’t want to get arrested, mom.” 

“I don’t want a new mom if you get arrested.” 

I made the mistake of talking about my work with my partner at the dinner table while the children played in the living room, an entirely separate room in our house. The children have ears like a hawk. 

We are putting them down for bed when my most sensitive daughter, and our middle child, starts panicking again about the safety of her immigrant mother and that of her family. My youngest daughter is crying into a purple and blue dragon I got her years ago. Fuzz is soaking in her tears as she whispers to him, “I don’t want to get arrested.” My eldest daughter is trying to be brave for her sisters. She takes the eldest daughter role very seriously, it comes incredibly natural to her. I worry about her all of the time. I baby her as much as I can to remind her that she is a child too, that she is still my baby. 

I wipe the tears streaming down my daughter’s eyes and tell her that we are not going to be arrested and that we are safe. She says, “I don’t want another mom if you get arrested. You are the best mom in the entire universe. I picked you as my mom.” And I believe her. 

I tell her that I picked her to be my baby. That I knew she was meant for me the moment I found out I was pregnant with her. I tell her I gave her a special name because of our strong connection to each other. I tell her that we were meant to be together and we will always be together. This soothes her. I kiss my girls goodnight after reassuring them that we are safe. 

I turn the lights off and brighten a salt crystal lamp, the room glows a deep peachy orange. Before I close their door, my daughter asks for me to come to her bed one last time. I sit beside her and stroke her hair, “What is it?” 

“Can you make sure the monster under my bed is gone?”

I flash my phone light under her and her sister’s bed and I tell her that there is no monster under her bed. I kiss her forehead one last time and I tell her that I love her. 

The house is dark and quiet. I stand in the heart of our home, staring out the large window onto the lush blue dark of our yard. I contemplate the thin line between the real and imagined monsters in the lives of my children and my primal desire to protect my children from them. The way that I must ward off imagined dangers even as I must stand in the shadow of real ones. The monsters I fear are not under my bed. Safety is not the absence of danger but the illusion of it. It is my gift to them but also my burden.

About La Cuenta

La Cuenta is an ongoing exploration of the costs incurred by roughly 11 million individuals in the United States who are labeled as undocumented.

Each week, we offer an itemized breakdown of some of the unseen costs that slowly burden immigrants with debt—financial and otherwise. We invite you to join us in this recounting by subscribing to our newsletter or by getting in touch if you have ideas you’d like to share.

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What We’re Reading

¡Congrats to Lalo! Massive congratulations to editorial cartoonist Lalo Alcaraz on winning a 2025 Robert F. Kennedy Human Rights Book and Journalism Award.

Here is more about his award.

The Latino Newsletter welcomes opinion pieces in English and/or Spanish from community voices. Submission guidelines are here. The views expressed by outside opinion contributors do not necessarily reflect the editorial views of this outlet or its employees.